Divorce? Or is it something else?

Before we start talking about divorce, lawyers, and the legal process, we should discuss whether it is really necessary to go down the divorce road. In my practice, when meeting with potential clients, I typically started the conversation by asking if there was any way to save their marriage. Their response would give me a basis to work from and it gave them a chance to voice their situation. Many times within only a few minutes it was obvious that they still cared for their spouse but they wanted things to change and were frustrated waiting for that to happen. Sometimes the potential client had already done marriage counseling. Other times they resisted this idea.

Obviously, if there is physical or mental abuse or unacceptable drug or
alcohol use or any number of other things that put you and/or your children in danger, these are reasons to seek a divorce. This would be especially true if these issues had been addressed with professionals already and the spouse continued the abuse. Of course, that’s not to say that the abusing spouse won’t work to stop the behavior once they are faced with losing their family.  Sometimes drastic measures are necessary and can have good outcomes.

Many times potential clients want to know about financial matters before
they decide whether to go forward with the divorce. This is smart but the
financial matters will be worked out in the divorce process and many times
there are too many “ifs” to be able to give definite answers to those
kinds of questions this early in the process. But certainly finances should be
a consideration early on. This is especially true if you have children and will be moving locally or to another state.

I’ve always encouraged my clients and potential clients to think about how
they want to be living 5 or even 10 years in the future. I know that is not
easy for everyone to do but if you can see yourself 5 years down the road, what would be the ideal living arrangements? If ideally you see yourself still married to your spouse and being happy, there may be hope for your marriage. Or even if you don’t see that now but are willing to work toward that end, there is hope for your family. A family law attorney’s job is not to end your marriage. A family law attorney’s job is to help you untangle the web that a marriage creates in a fair and equitable manner once the marriage is over.

If you are considering divorce for any reason, a good first step is to
contact a marriage counselor or personal or couples therapist before you contact the lawyer. Be sure of the steps before you take them. You made the decision to marry this person and if this marriage can be saved, maybe, just maybe, you should put a little work into saving it. Filing for divorce will always be available to you — saving your marriage might not.

Disclaimer:  Nothing herein should be construed as legal advice or as establishing an attorney-client relationship. This post is meant to be informational only.