Mediation: Will it help?
If you are not aware of mediation, it is a process where both parties, with or without their attorneys, meet with an uninterested mediator in hopes of resolving any outstanding issues in the divorce and/or parenting plan. Parties can meet together with the mediator or separately. The expense of this activity is generally shared between the parties either 50/50 or based on their percentage of income.
The parties can engage in mediation either before the actual divorce process begins or during the process. Because mediation is such an important part of the process, here are my tips on how to handle mediation:
Both parties must agree on who to use as the mediator. An experienced family law mediator will, in most cases, prove themselves to be worth the money invested. Many courts, through the court clerk or a court facilitator, can provide you with a list of local mediators experienced in family law. If one or both of the parties are represented by counsel, it is likely that the attorneys can agree on a mediator known to both attorneys. Some counties or courts may have low income mediation available through a state agency for those that qualify. If not, some mediators may offer a sliding scale based on the parties’ incomes.
If both parties are interested in resolving the divorce and parenting issues without the court’s involvement, mediation is an excellent choice and should be completed as soon as possible. However, if one party is being abusive toward the other one or there are safety concerns for either party, it would be a better idea to wait and do mediation during the process of the divorce. In a lot of courts today, mediation is a requirement and must be completed whether or not the parties are able to resolve the issues. In my experience, attorneys can really help the process of mediation go smoother. Many times a party comes into mediation thinking he or she can intimidate the other party into agreeing to their wishes or perhaps they think they can make the other party feel sorry for them and they will get what they want. This is especially true where that party is not represented by counsel. Generally an attorney can set the stage for their client by anticipating what a fair mediated agreement might look like. In general, mediation results in an agreement that each party can live with — not one that gives everything to one party and nothing to the other. Each party should be willing to give when necessary and to take when possible.
If either party feels uncomfortable being in the same room as the other party, do not hesitate to ask for separate rooms. The mediator would rather go between the two rooms to complete the mediation than have one party feel intimidated or scared the entire time. Additionally, these emotionally charged interactions usually prevent any lasting agreements from being reached.
In mediation, there are no stupid questions or crazy issues. Each divorce is different and each party has those things they are most concerned about. Be sure to bring up your issues or be sure your attorney knows to do so. I’ve seen issues covering division of movies and photographs, custody and visitation with the family dog, time limits on phone calls with the children, and who would be paying for the next new outfit for the daughter – just to name a few. Money issues are always important and should be discussed thoroughly. Anything can be discussed and included in your agreement. But understand that the more specific an agreement is, the longer it will take to work through all of the required issues. Some parties need more than one session with the mediator to get their agreement finished.
Mediation can be an efficient and less expensive method to resolve the issues faced in a divorce — especially if there are minor children involved. Make use of this opportunity and be prepared. Know what can be compromised on and what cannot. Rely on your attorney and the mediator to help guide you through the maze, but always know what you can live with and what you cannot live with. That will make the negotiations go much faster and easier.
Disclaimer: Nothing herein should be construed as legal advice or as establishing an attorney-client relationship. This post is meant to be informational only.