Ready for Trial
So you think you have tried everything to resolve this divorce — marriage counseling, mediation, meeting after meeting — nothing has worked. So now you are both hunkered down with your respective lawyers and you are preparing for trial.
Just know that many times it is easy to miss the forest for the trees. The seemingly minutia dwelled on by the lawyers is really important in most cases. Generally, the case will turn on the details. You’ll need to be patient, open, and truthful to get through it.
The trial process is generally hard on everyone. Having minor children makes it even harder; although some of the more difficult cases I had in my practice were the “money” cases. In other words, cases where there were no children or where the custody issue had settled, and the issue for trial was all about the money and who got what. It is easy to become greedy and resentful wanting only the worst for the other party. This attitude will not be helpful long term. You really have to look at this situation as a failed business arrangement and the only thing that is happening now is this: what assets and liabilities are considered “marital” and how is the best way to equitably (or equally in some states) divide that marital property and debt. That’s all it is. Those that can view this process in those terms will be much more successful than those that carry the resentment and hurt throughout the process. The clients that I had that were less emotional by this time and more matter-of-fact had a far better outcome and better state of mind at the end.
By the time your case is ready for trial, the trial itself should be fairly predictable. Through discovery, you and your attorney should be able to learn those things necessary from the other side to put on your case. With experienced attorneys on both sides, there are very few times that I have seen any big surprises during the trial. Both sides have full information about financials, assets, debts, etc. That doesn’t mean that both sides agree to the division — obviously, that is not the case. But the facts should be fairly clear.
Where one or both parties do not have attorneys, it can be a different story. In those cases, parties don’t always feel obligated to share everything or they may not realize that they need to do so. I have seen Judges stop the trial where full disclosures have not been made by both parties and the parties were given explicit directions on what to do and when to come back to court to complete the hearing. If they thought they would be divorced that day, they were disappointed. You don’t want to find yourself in this situation for many reasons. One important reason is health insurance coverage where one party was still paying for the other. If you were counting on that coverage stopping on that day, your financial situation may be adversely affected. Other payments could continue as well such as car payments or credit card payments that you had thought would go to the other party at this point — again affecting your financial situation adversely.
No matter what happens during the trial, your demeanor must be one of respect for the Court, respect for the attorneys, and even though it may be hard to do, respect for the other party. This person is, after all, someone that you once loved or maybe you still do and if there are children, that you chose to be the father or mother of your children. This is not the time or place to vent maliciously or hysterically at the other party or their attorney. The trial should be a professional atmosphere and everyone there should be acting professionally. Follow your attorney’s directions regarding your testimony. If you do not have an attorney, give your testimony as honestly as you can and try to talk about the relevant matters — not about things that are irrelevant to the matter at hand. It won’t help you to try to blame the other party or to try to disparage the other party in front of the Court. If the Judge has to correct you too many times, it could well work against you and your position. Assets and liabilities are not divided based on character flaws so your efforts will not be rewarded.
If you find yourself having to endure a trial to resolve your divorce, basically the best advice I can give you is to grit and bear it. It will be over at some point and life will go on. I know it can seem never ending at times, but it is not. Try to stay as calm and prepared as possible. Being anxious and nervous is normal, but that self-induced stress is not healthy and will affect your ability to listen and comprehend what is happening when you get to the court. Breathe and know you are not alone. With over 50% of all marriages failing and a large slice of those having to have hearings and/or trials of all kinds, thousands of people are in Court regarding their divorces every single day. Sad but true.
Disclaimer: Nothing herein should be construed as legal advice or as establishing an attorney-client relationship. This post is meant to be informational only.